Poems and Phantasms

Posts tagged ‘divorce’

Another Season


This winter I am not looking in

seed catalogs, they belong to another season

before this third-floor apartment

before the divorce


I planted myself in that garden

for years, his property

that last summer I knew it was

the last, I gathered

stepping stones for storage, I transplanted

my grandmother’s mint, I pruned

tomatoes till my hands were stained

stinging with the smell of yellow-green, I filled

a jar of Job’s tears

grey pearls for my new windowsill


My first roses are untrained now and I never

tasted the asparagus I started from seed so

I close my eyes and feel

the roots and drive deep

the stakes and make

my plans for another season  

another spring


Wikimedia Commons (Creative Commons)


I thought I could leave him

behind. Even the times I came back

I thought I had a choice


And I did. Like an animal in a trap

biting off its own paws…

I left


Behind shadows, still

I see him. In new timelines

deeper than fear, I feel him

in my body involuntarily

twitching, teeth  locking, shoulders

guarding. Hollow eyes

empty of illusions


Wearing new masks for new

people, new audiences

for the pretense

that this all will

be okay


For the kids

echo him now

blaming me for it, me

for being strong enough to leave, me

who gave up



Mirroring my pain, voices yearning

for love that could not ever

be enough to fix

a broken reflection

of mercurial walls


But I will be

enough. I have

to begin anew,

woman in the looking glass.


Silver in my hair and

reticence in my eyes and

limping, I am leaving

more behind

each tomorrow

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