Leavings
I thought I could leave him
behind. Even the times I came back
I thought I had a choice
And I did. Like an animal in a trap
biting off its own paws…
I left
Behind shadows, still
I see him. In new timelines
deeper than fear, I feel him
in my body involuntarily
twitching, teeth locking, shoulders
guarding. Hollow eyes
empty of illusions
Wearing new masks for new
people, new audiences
for the pretense
that this all will
be okay
For the kids
echo him now
blaming me for it, me
for being strong enough to leave, me
who gave up
everything
Mirroring my pain, voices yearning
for love that could not ever
be enough to fix
a broken reflection
of mercurial walls
But I will be
enough. I have
to begin anew,
woman in the looking glass.
Silver in my hair and
reticence in my eyes and
limping, I am leaving
more behind
each tomorrow
